Why Preaching Doesn’t Work
(Even When Our Hearts Are Full of Good Intentions)
We’ve all felt that surge of excitement when something truly shifts our perspective. And then, almost instinctively, we think, “Everyone needs to know this.” It’s not about control; it’s about connection, about sharing a hard-won truth we believe could ease someone else’s burden. We’ve found a little light in the dark, made it through something tough, and now, we want to send back the cheat codes.
It’s really important to remember that your map isn’t everyone’s map. And if we push too hard, if we try to lay our blueprint over someone else’s unique journey, we might inadvertently push them away.
Now, before I go full meta on myself (because yes, I know I’m about to share insights on not telling people what to do while, well, doing exactly that), stay with me. This isn’t a call to silence. It’s an invitation to shift how we influence and inspire. Has anyone ever truly transformed their life because they were told to? Think back to when you were a teenager. When you were told to do something a certain way by a parent or teacher, did it work? Heck no. You did the opposite. But I bet you’ve been inspired to change in the past after watching a TEDX talk, or seeing someone accomplish something amazing. It’s the quiet power of a life lived authentically that is most likely to spark change in others.
I understand that deep-seated desire to shield those we care about from pain and guide them toward smoother paths. You wish they would just “see the light already.” But preaching, no matter how lovingly it’s wrapped, is often a disguise for control. And true inspiration, the kind that lasts, never comes from a place of control.
When we unconsciously believe our way is the only way and we unknowingly slip from offering support to delivering sermons. That subtle shift often sounds like: “You just need to…” “What you should do is…” “If you’d only…” Parents take this tone a lot. I’ve done it myself. It’s incredibly tempting to offer these seemingly sage pieces of advice, especially when you’ve bravely clawed your way out of something heavy, or when you’re speaking to someone you really care about.
When my marriage ended, the judgment, both external and internal, came fast and loud.
“She gave up.” “She should’ve tried harder.” “She’s ruining her family.” These whispers echoed the stories and judgments I was already battling within my own mind. But no one saw the silent erosion of mental abuse. No one witnessed how I was slowly unraveling behind closed doors, desperately trying to keep it all together for my children. Staying would have utterly destroyed me. And ultimately, the act of leaving and of choosing myself was my salvation.
That experience showed me that we never truly know the depth of what another person carries. So how could I possibly assume I know what’s right for them? When we stop just offering a perspective and instead begin to believe our way is the sole right way, that’s when preaching becomes a barrier, even a danger.
When I started posting short videos of myself walking in the woods, I wasn’t declaring, “You should walk too!” or “Follow these 10 steps to unlock your best self!” I was just showing up, consistently, and literally walking my truth. And something wildly unexpected happened. People started sending me messages about how they’d begun running, or picked up painting again, or finally launched that project they’d been too afraid to try. It wasn’t because I’d instructed them; it was because something about me simply doing the damn thing quietly gave them permission to do theirs. People didn’t necessarily become walkers. They became doers.
That is the magic that unfolds when you live from your true, authentic core. You don’t need to shout; you become a beacon, radiating possibility.
The more intensely you try to convince someone to live life your way, the more likely they are to tune you out. Because your hard-won life path is not their template. And your truth—even if it’s beautifully evolved and deeply felt—is not universal.
Preaching erects walls. Living your truth, openly and bravely, quietly dissolves them.
So, here’s a reframe, an invitation to step into a different kind of influence:
- Stop trying to convince. Instead, embody the change you wish to see.
- Don’t tell people what they should do. Show them, through your own vibrant life, what’s truly possible.
- Let your life itself be the quiet invitation, a gentle nudge, rather than a loud instruction.
If your heart’s desire is to truly influence people, it’s not about having all the answers or perfectly crafted solutions. It’s about living your own questions so fully, so honestly, that others feel safe and inspired to explore their own.
Here’s a great way to gently catch yourself before you slip into “preacher mode”:
- Do you feel a deep sense of frustration when people don’t “get it”?
- Do you constantly find yourself trying to “fix” someone else’s situation?
- Do you feel a strong urge to explain, defend, or correct their choices?
- Do you genuinely believe, deep down, that your way is the only right way?
When these feelings arise, it’s a powerful moment for self-awareness. Try pausing, taking a breath, and asking yourself: “Is this truly about them, or is it more about my own need to be right?” Then, reconnect with your deeper mission. You are here to shine your unique light, not to convert others to your specific glow. Live your truth. Share it gently, vulnerably. Let its radiance speak for itself.
I’m certainly not advocating for silence in the face of injustice, or sitting idly by when a hand is desperately needed. But remember, your most profound influence often doesn’t come from your spoken words; it emanates from the living testament of your example.
If you long for people to live with more kindness, be kind. If you wish for others to embrace courage, be brave. And if you yearn for authenticity in the world, then live your own authenticity out loud, even when it feels terrifyingly vulnerable.
This is the deeper path—how we truly lead, how we heal, how we inspire lasting change.
Become the most vibrant version of yourself, the one that embodies what’s possible. Be a beacon, not a preacher. Because when you shine without striving to impress or correct, that’s when you truly illuminate the way for countless others.
Journal Prompt:
- Where in your life are you currently “preaching” instead of simply shining your unique light?
- What would it truly look like, feel like, to lead by example in that area?
Want to Practice This with Me?
If you’re yearning for a space where you can show up exactly as you are, without any pretense, where we don’t preach or attempt to “fix” one another—but instead, simply live, share, and support—then I warmly invite you to join us in the Root and Rise Circle. It’s a free monthly gathering on Zoom, a sanctuary filled with beautiful souls who will lovingly hold space for your evolution, never rushing it.
👉 Click here to join us.
